Folksy Ltd

A parenting question

Hello Ladies/Gents

Just wanted to ask a quick question (not shop related)

Would you allow your child to stay over at a friends house for the night, even though you had never met the friend and you knew absolutely nothing about the parents?
My son is 13 years old

Pam

No.

No matter how big the following strop was. (been there with both of mine)

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I wouldn’t either. Is there a way to find out about them? I wonder how it would look to the other parents…I mean, they don’t know you either and yet you let your son stay with them. A good, diplomatic way to manage this would be ideal…ooohhh so challenging with kids that age! :open_mouth:

No me neither.

It’s best to ask for the home address and phone number of the friend in case of an emergency. That would be the best step forward to showing your son that you trust him to away from the house for a night.

Take it from me: my mom kept me from going on sleepovers because I was an overpampered snowflake who’ll die if I inhale oxygen outside the house, so give him the benefit of the doubt so that he won’t harbour resentment like I did to my mom for not letting me go on sleepovers until I was 18 year sold.

Thanks ladies,

My partner let our son stay at a friends house last night and didn’t tell me until after he dropped him off. I was furious but he thinks it’s not a big deal.

Pam

No, I would want to meet the friend and have the phone number of the parent so I could at least phone them and talk to them. I’ve a daughter aged 11, coming up for 12, and she’s only stayed over at people’s houses when we’ve built up some level of trust with them.

I say this so as to ensure that as those teens get older they are actually sleeping over at the house of the friend and not bunking off somewhere else with the parent none-the-wiser!

I think I’d want to know the child and be on at least waving terms with the parents. It’s not easy though is it!? I also suspect my husband may well have done what you other half did …
Ali x

Not unless I knew the parents myself. It’s about making sure your child is in a safe envirnoment. I would allow a 13year old to a sleep over but not with people I didn’t know.

This needs to be discussed with the child the ‘Stranger Danger’ as the Americans put it.

No I wouldn’t. You need to meet parents and friend before the event. If you are in doubt how about arranging for the friend to sleep over at yours.

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Definitely not.

Do you trust your child?

If you do then that should be a definite tick in letting them stay over.
Knowing the parents is probably less important than knowing your childs friend. (some of them are proper sods you know!)

No, I wouldn’t allow it.

No way would I ever allowed it.

I would always meet the child first on a few occasions and definitely meet the parents x

It’s not about trusting the child really it’s more about do you trust the parents and children of the house your child will be staying overnight at.

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Thank you so much for all your replies.

Pam

No, I definitely would not.

Thinking about it from the other side too, I would also have expected the parents of the other child to have asked questions about you - I wouldn’t have a child that I had never met sleeping over in my house, especially whose parents I also hadn’t met.

It’s really hard though if your partner has a different opinion.

How do you gauge trust?
Swapping pleasantries at the school gates is a horrible way to glean information on the trustworthiness of parents.
You rely on your gut feelings and you rely on your child to be safe and sound. You can only mitigate so much though.

In my experience I know next to nothing about all but a few of the parents of my kids friends. Other than swapping banalities at the gates etc) However, my lads have had great times sleeping over, going to parties etc.

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I made it my job to get to know the parents of the kids that the children in my care were friends with.

I had a duty of care to the children in my care to make sure I knew what sort of envirnoment they might be stepping out into.

It’s the role of every parent to know who and where their children will be spending time with when they allow their children out of their supervision.