Folksy Ltd

An irrational dread of house guests!

(Sarah Eves) #1

Tomorrow I have a house guest.
He wanted to stay a week, but I have become a teller of porkies and lied about an impending trip on Sunday!

I travelled a lot in my youth, and this is an Aussie I met 30 years ago and have seen just twice since, with erratic contact.
I’m really not sure how much we have in common anymore, and in some ways it’ll be like having a stranger to stay.

I dread house guests staying at any time, as I’ve become very territorial about my own space, particularly when working from home, and would rather meet up on mutual territory so I can escape at the end of the evening :slightly_smiling:

So, I was wondering how many others also dread house guests, and how you deal with them out staying their welcome?

Sarah x

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(Joy Salt) #2

Don’t ask me. I had a few years with extended (6 week+) visits from the other half of the family and I am not happy to admit that by the 4th year I was so stressed out by I completely lost my otherwise very good manners.

Housevisits of more than 2 days are to be avoided.

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(Bizzy Liz) #3

Well, as my house is full of grown-up children who can’t afford their own places yet, I have the perfect excuse!

I hate having house guests! It would be fine if we lived in a mansion with 2 separate wings, but normal everyday houses just aren’t big enough! I have been known to drop large hints.

Gosh, I do sound like a right miserable old so and so, but I like my own space!

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(Sasha Garrett) #4

I hate house guests especially if they are people who haven’t stayed here before so don’t know where things are or are the sort of person who expects to be waited on because they are a guest (I’m very much of the ‘there’s the kettle, there’s the mugs/tea/coffee/ fridge, sort yourself out and leave me alone’ way of thinking). I’m currently annoyed at the other half because he is working from home as he is a bit ill - my brain is screaming ‘no, its day time, the house should be mine all mine, go away!’. Was catching up with my allotment buddy recently and she pointed out to me I’d spent longer complaining about the random friend of the other half who had been staying with us for 3 weeks than I had the burglary. I like to set the limits of how long they will be here before they get here and limit it to a weekend at the most (that way the OH can be the social one not me). I’m not a people person.

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(Sarah Eves) #5

So glad I’m not alone!

It’s the space thing - I crave my own space and know he’s going to irritate me - yet rather than do the grown up thing and say
’‘lovely to see you but maybe you could stay in a B & B and we could meet up in the day’’ I’ve said ‘‘yes, of course you can stay’’ and spent the last month dreading it!

And - as if that isn’t bad enough - at the grand old age of 47 I’m having to pack a phantom overnight bag for Sunday as I’ve lied about going away!!!

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(Christine E.) #6

I only ever have my immediate family to stay- daughter who lives in Sheffield and 9-year-old B overnight frequently, so I don’t have room for anyone else (that’s my excuse!). I never extend invitations to anyone. I used to have family members staying so used to do meals where all the kids could pick what they fancied off the table. Then the mother said to me “They do eat PROPER food, you know” which offended me no end because it was proper food. Next time they came, I made them spaghetti bolognese from scratch- which they hardly touched!
The kids eventually grew out of Legoland so my London base is no longer required!
Sarah, your situation sounds a bit of a nightmare! But you never know, you may enjoy it…?

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(Roz) #7

I would love to have house guests, although only for short periods of time, but never do as I’m not the tidiest of people and feel I’d have to clean and tidy the house constantly if I did so I never invite anybody! I also have 2 antisocial dogs that would put anyone off instantly!

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(Donna) #8

I don’t have house guests, in fact when OH has too much time off I start craving my own space. Well either that or I start thinking about cutting the plug off the telly. When I’m not working I really am an anti-social so and so who enjoys the quiet so I’m not sure I could cope with anyone staying here let alone a virtual stranger who’d need entertaining :expressionless:

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(Jenny Baxter) #9

So glad it’s not just me… :smile:

(Rosesworkshop) #10

When I was younger my friends were all like Sasha says - “there’s the kettle, mine’s a white no sugar” sort of people. They were happy to sleep wherever there was space, on the sofa if needs be. They would eat whatever was presented, and do the washing-up without being asked. Having house guests was a joy.

Now we are all older, most have a spouse and kids that I don’t really know, and a sleeping bag on the sofa will definitely not do. So I spend hours (that I should be working) moving breakables, re-cleaning the bedrooms, and making the bathroom child-friendly.

Once they’ve arrived, the original friend and I attempt to catch up, while the spouse channel-hops the TV looking for sports channels I don’t have, and the offspring complain that they’re bored. (I won’t let them kick a football against my greenhouse and I don’t have an X-box.) I won’t even mention mealtimes Christine, whatever you do will be wrong!

After a few such visits I’ve decided that a little fib like “sorry, there’s no space, I’m decorating” and pointing them to a nearby B&B is better for all of us. Then I can choose a time when I’m finished work to enjoy with my friends, while their families go off to the beach or the funfair.

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(Eileens Craft Studio) #11

I had a house guest for 6 weeks from the USA and I don’t do Americans lol.

I don’t mind when the house isn’t part building site and I have the room and once I’ve got them into the routine that they are allowed to ‘help themselves’ and I won’t be waiting on them hand and foot 24/7 as I have work to do.

I must admit I’m a bit fish out of water when we are house guests with Hubbies family as I never know if I’m supposed to fend for myself or have them wait on me hand and foot. I never really feel at ease and it’s not because I don’t love everyone of them. Compared to my family they are more formal than my side who are extremely informal.

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(Christine Shephard) #12

If they’re prepared to sleep where they’re put, eat whatever’s put in front of them, take their used mugs/glasses/plates out to the kitchen, not hog the bathroom, and generally fit in with my routine…then they’re welcome.

What I invariably get is fussy sleepers, faddy eaters, dirty mugs/glasses/plates left everywhere, shoes/bags abandoned in the middle of the floor, someone in the bathroom for hours on end (usually at midnight!) and complaints when I wake them at 7am.

So yes, I generally hate having house guests.

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(Suzzie Godfrey) #13

Hee Hee Hee, when I saw the title of this thread, I thought you were going to tell us about the unwanted guests our furry friends bring home! aka fleas!!
I live in a two up two down, we have no room for human extras for more than a night, so that sorts that out. There is always a meal to be had at our table, but only floor space to lay ones head.
Small sometimes has its advantages!
Suzzie x

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(Sasha Garrett) #14

One of my unwanted guests used to bring her furry friends with her (cats rather than dogs), I’ve manage to stop her from doing that and I’m now working on visit reduction program for her.

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(Julia K Walton) #15

I had to laugh at this thread - many comments ring true. :o) Good luck with your visitor, Sarah, it sounds like you have done the right thing in limiting the stay.

We just have a sofa bed for guests - the two ‘spare’ bedrooms are now my workroom and my husband’s office, in daily use. We luckily have a B&B nearby and a holiday let cottage at the end of the road, so guests can stay there if they want more than a night or two.

We have had a couple of people who have definitely outstayed their welcome - one of them we managed to disengage ourselves from, by being out when he kept being ‘just passing by’ (and staying over). The other, we still see occasionally but try to arrange to meet up for a short city break rather than a stay with us.

I think you just have to be direct at the outset and say “You would be welcome to stay for 1 night” or “I’m sorry, but that won’t be convenient/possible” (or whatever). Some people are too thick skinned to take a hint otherwise.

(Susannah Ayre) #16

I find this quite interesting in a weird kinda way- If I ever go anywhere away from home, even to go away and visit someone i would never ask to stay with them regardless of the size of their house, and I would never assume they would ask me. I would always just take it upon myself to sort my own accommodation- maybe because I like my own space I guess!
But I’ve never had anyone ask to stay at mine if they have been visiting. If it’s just for a night I have offered a room and they have accepted. But I don’t think it should be assumed.
And personally as a guest I wouldn’t expect to be waited on- I’m not paying them! So I would help out with dinner (or paying for a meal/takeout) I would do dishes, I would be considerate and tidy up after myself.

Hmm…maybe good old fashioned consideration doesn’t much exist anymore? Which is a bit sad. Although having said that- I know it doesn’t. Last week I had to go ask my upstairs neighbour to stop hammering on the floor constantly at 11pm at night.

I wish you luck with your house guests!!

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(Grimm Exhibition) #17

I don’t have my own home but Im lucky enough to live in a granny flat on the back of my parents house.
Id dread anybody staying in the tiny flat (except a significant other that Id been with for years) as I really love that fact its all mine, I can lock the door and snuggle down with tv and a blanket and craft away. But every now and again when the parents are on holiday I have friends round, some live an hour away so they stay overnight in a spare room in my parents house where theres space. I don’t mind that at all.

Im also a terrible house guest myself. I have to admit I don’t feel at ease. I feel like I need to be on my best behaviour, there has to be consideration when sharing a bathroom or even meal times(Im rather picky) so I dread how awkward I am for the other person hosting.

@thesherbertpatch I hope its not too awful for you. I love the idea of the real bag for your phantom trip.

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(Danielle Hall Nicola Malia) #18

I can’t even stand to have family over for more than a few hours unless it’s my sister. She treats the house as her own and raids the fridge (and my wardrobe), feeds the dog, makes a cuppa etc. I can’t be dealing with being a good host and doing the “does anyone need a drink” “is everyone warm enough” rubbish. I also hate when people ask me to “put the dog away” erm no…he lives here you don’t!

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(Tina Martin) #19

Two days are more than enough, need I say more! :slight_smile: :slight_smile: Hope the visit goes well Sarah!

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(Diane Burton) #20

How rude! If we ever had extra people for meals (frequent occurance when you have children) I would do the same as you so that all tastes were catered for, a favourite when I was a childminder was what the kids called ‘pick & mix pasta’ I’d cook a large pan of pasta and put bowls of cheese, ham, cherry tomatoes,peas etc in the middle of the table for them to help themselves that way they ate as much as they wanted and sometimes even tried things they wouldn’t eat at home.

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